At the conclusion of 2016, I composed
two articles (video-games
and overall)
reflecting on the year. This is the first of three essays concluding
2017, which it will review all the video games Awkward Mixture
critiqued this year.
Games That Didn't Earn a Review,
Because I didn't Finish Them:
A list of games
I tried, abandoned, and
never wrote an article about.
I tried Antichamber around
release in 2013, but during two sessions I experienced headaches
and motion sickness. It's an innovative,
enjoyable puzzle game, and I wanted to enjoy it, but I'll can't complete it. It's the only game in this section I'd recommend, specifically for puzzle game lovers.
With all the action adventure games on
Awkward Mixture over the past two years, I tried to muscle Grim
Fandango into the schedule, but the puzzles defy insanity.
Though reviewers may call it one of the greatest adventure games of
all time, I couldn't recommend this skeleton of a game, in spite of
its lively dialogue.
They Bleed Pixels is one of
those super-tough, punishing platformers inspired by Super Meat
Boy. With some perseverance the first three levels found
themselves bleeding at my feet, but I couldn't find the persistence
(or enough bandages) to staunch the wounds opened by a million
whirling blades of death.
I gave Plague Inc a shot, but I
still wouldn't recommend touching it with a thirty nine and a half
foot pole, or being on the same planet as it.
Please, don't set sail in Windward.
Flee the Milky Way to Andromeda to
escape Space Run Galaxy.
Only disappointment results from
playing Red Solstice when the sun is at the zenith (or any
time for that matter).
In Starpoint Gemini 2, the
protagonist's father is murdered in the first five minutes. Instead
of hunting his killer, the protagonist fulfilled random quests for
strangers and listened to Awesome Mix while boarding enemy ships and
selling them for scrap.
If I were a Time Traveler, I would
Tell my Past Self not to Play these Games:
These are games
I completed but would not recommended.
Is
there a special place in hell for people who write a story in which a
child suffers such abuse they compose stories where their family is
brutally murdered? Some reviewers think The
Vanishing of Ethan Carter
is the Best Outdoor Walking Simulator,
but I think it's the Worst
Abuse Fantasy.
Dungeon
of the Endless
is exactly as it sounds, an Incredibly Repetitive Experience.
After playing, I realized it was by the same developers as Endless
Legends and Endless Space. Having played two of the three, I recognize a
trend, and wouldn't risk an adventure in the last.
Have
you ever played a mobile game which was cheaply ported to PC? I
hadn't until Space
Tactics,
the Least Developed
Space Simulator.
If you've even thought about purchasing this game, please stop.
Don't give this developer any money.
Talking
about money, would you like to spend a couple
hundred dollars
to win a virtual card game? Then Hearthstone
was designed for you. Enjoyable at first, until one encounters a
player whose deck is composed of forty cards you've never seen, which are three times more powerful, this game is definitely, the Most
Pay to Win.
Like
It,
but without the consequence of death, Oxenfree
is the Least
Terrifying Thriller one can imagine. An incredibly powerful being from another
dimension, capable of bodily possession, wants to use you and your
friends as a portal to enter the world. And you're going to defeat
it by walking around all night in beautiful scenery, cracking jokes,
and talking about your feelings.
Are
there fifty different types of weapons? Maybe. And at least
twenty different vehicles to equip them to? Sure! Then why does
every mission feel the same as the last, as deadly missiles whistle
past in neon lit cities? Because, Brigador
is Most Like
Dungeon of the Endless, repetitive
and without context.
There's
a game out there, which requires forty hours investment to win, but some people devote another four hundred to get their full
value. Unfortunately, it's a tiresome game, with the Most
Grinding Ever.
I present: Disgaea.
Games Worth One
Playthrough (Unless they Crash):
These games
were reasonably enjoyable and are recommended with reservations.
Sequels,
like XCOM®
2,
are
supposed to expand the boundaries of their predecessor. In
attempting to develop new ideas and invent more alien races, the
developers crafted the Most
Unbalanced Tactical Game. Soldiers
and Sectoids alike are capable of massive devastation with superhuman
abilities. The winner of any engagement, is he who shot first.
Extraterrestrials can pounce from inside dead bodies, live humans,
or transporters, and kill soldiers with a single shot. It wasn't a gun
fight as much as an exchange of tactical nukes, and even though
“tactical” might be appended, the combat is anything but.
Yet, the final bullet in the magazine was the disappearance
of my fifteen hour save file. Recommended instead: XCOM:
Enemy Unknown or
Xenonauts.
A
twist on the classic god in the machine, Pony
Island
is exactly what its fabulous trailer implies. Play a pony exorcising
demons from an arcade machine. In spite of a short run time, its
simple, repetitive gameplay, all of which has been implemented better
somewhere else, means its the Most
Like Being Stuck in An Arcade Machine With the Devil.
Technically,
this section of games are worthy of only one play-through, but a
proper review of Dishonored
demanded completing the game twice; first as a thief, and then as an
assassin. In return it earns two awards: Most
like a modern Thief/Bioshock Infinite.
Sometimes
a single play-through continues until the story ends, and sometimes
it's until the last out of the season. The shortest season available in
Super
Mega Baseball
includes sixteen games and a three series playoff. The
experience excited no great emotion, no fan nation, and in
conclusion, it's Most
like an Inferior Backyard Baseball.
As
I'm writing this right now (12/7), I haven't written the full review
for Oddworld:
New 'n' Tasty!,
(haven't even finished the game either), but if it weren't for the
charmingness of Abe, I'd have stopped awhile ago.
Honorable
Mentions:
The games which
follow are strongly recommend. Notice, the list is longer than last
years but this doesn't mean quality has decreased. In alphabetical
order:
Braid
is known as an artsy sort of game, but it's also the most thoughtful
game I played this year, with a unique and evolving mechanic, merged
with the best aesthetic, in a game which is Most
Like Mario.
Even
though The
Fall
derives its plot points from popular Science Fiction sources, and is
predictable as a result (and requires some insane logic to solve
puzzles), it's a dark journey deep into an illogical robotic psyche.
It's the Best
Rendered Cliche of Robots Overriding their Programming.
I played quite a few adventure games this year: they seem to have
accumulated in my backlog. But none were as personal and political
as The
Last Express, which marries delightful
characters to a world on the brink of war, and provides the Best
Understanding of the Dangers of Nationalism.
Once abandoned, player often discover the difficulty in returning to
an unfinished game. But I'm glad Arstzoka had a vacancy at its
border booth, so I could complete Papers,
Please. Even in a career as simple as a border agent, one is Most Likely to Be Arrested for Putting a Soccer
Poster in their Place of Work.
Total Biscuit tirelessly reviews game, and he recommends some I
wouldn't normally consider. Steamworld
Heist is totally different from Steamworld Dig (a game I
dislike) and Most Like the TV show Firefly.
Sometimes a game boggles the mind, requiring the player to consider
deep philosophical questions. The
Swapper didn't quite achieve its intention, but the
fusion of puzzles and ponderies procured it a position in the
Honorable mentions.
Technobabylon
wasn't a game I anticipated on this list, so close to Best Game of
Awkward Mixture, 2017. I'm thankful for James
Dearden retweet of my articles, a first for me. While it wasn't
the best game, it strongly exceeded my expectations, and earned Most
like a William Gibson Novel.
Knowing I played it, were you worried I had forgotten Undertale?
Maybe hoping it would be the best game of my year? Sorry to worry,
or disappoint. While a great game, here's why it didn't make my best
game: even though it contained three different ways of playing, and
three corresponding endings, I couldn't complete a second
playthrough. Considering all the hype it received on release, I
have to award it, Most
Overrated Good Game.
Game of 2017/2016:
While 2016's Game of the Year was an easy pick, 2017's Best Game of
Awkward Mixture was more difficult. It wasn't until I wrote this article, that I chose the victor. Sure, I played quite a bit even after completing
the regular campaign, but it isn't a genre I normally enjoy. There
were a number of other games which came close to winning the final spot. But SUPERHOT is a fabulous game, quick,
repetitive, but engrossing. It's almost like someone's in my mind,
compelling me to keep playing, only pausing to compose a review about its greatness …. Hi [FRIEND_NAME_HERE] you
have to check out this game. It's
the most innovating shooter I've played in years …. Need
to cleanse my system now. Hyperbolic claims aside, SUPERHOT may
not be the most innovative whatever, but it is the best game of
Awkward Mixture 2017.
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