Obsessed About Obsession

“Jared, let me tell you what I bought the other day: a Tom Brady rookie card, in 9.5 condition, and for only two hundred dollars!”

“Really? I already own a half dozen of them. Could I borrow your Magic deck for a game tomorrow?”

“The one with the Time Walk, Icy Manipulator, and Royal Assassin? No wait. How did you collect so many rookie cards? I've been buying a box every year since I was six. Sure my mom threw out a couple every now and then ...”

“Then you should have more. What sort of box?”

“You know, like a box.”

“But how big? Show me with your hands.”

“Like this?”

“You sure?”

“I think each had ten packs with ten cards each.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Well, when you said you've been buying a box I thought it would be more substantial. Like ten packs of fifty cards each.”

“You buy one of those a year?”

“No, two for each major sport: NFL, NHL, MLB, NBA.”


“You been following the Defense of the Ancients scene recently?”

“A bit more than last season, sure. I'm finally remembering the names of abilities, and who plays for which team.”

“Let me tell you about what I've set up. Every year for the International in Seattle, its the like the Superbowl of eSports, there's always pundential flurry over which team is going to win. But Nate Silver's convinced me to abandon pundits and approach situations statistically, so this year I decided I'd make a model to calculate each teams chance of winning.”

“Wicked. Who do you have on the top so far, Liquid?”

“Yeah, but Secret's reaching the same level of play.”

“My model seems to think Secret's eclipsed Liquid. Mine probably assign more value to recent wins than yours.”

“You have a model too?”

“Sure, does yours track each player's performance?”

“No, does yours?”

“And each team's match history?”

“No.”

“Their average game length …. preferred heroes … gold distribution … heroes they lose against ….

….

“Seen this episode of Fraiser before?”

“Yeah, back in college I watched the complete series, and you know, I'll watch it whenever it's on, and I've got nothing to do.”

“I've seen most of them once or twice, but this is one of my favorites.”

“I think I remember this one. Oh, I love that line in the denouement, how does it go, “I'll never understand how men like you could have been spawn by that sweet, courageous astronaut!”

“Ah....”

“What?”

“Well, a rookie mistake I must admit, but you've omitted too old.”

“Too old?”

“No, two and old. Clive says, two men and old astronaut.”

“How can you be certain? I thought you'd only watched the series casually?”

“Yeah, but I was roped into a Frasier reproduction theatre troupe by my then girlfriend, in which I played the lead role, and she loved this episode.”

….

“So there I was, standing outside Borders, and it's eleven fifty pm. You see, I'd been at summer camp, but it'd ended that day, and my dad picked me up. I'd already pre-ordered the book, and its release was that midnight. After only a modest groveling, dad drove me there. The doors opened, and we surged in, like a wave, and nearly overwhelmed the clerks at the counter.”

“That's a cool story. What happened to the book?”

“Nothing's happened to it, I think I've read it nearly a score of times since then.”

“So its banged and busted, huh?”

“Yeah?”

“I was doing the same thing, and you know the binding, and the dust jackets for that matter, on those first edition copies couldn't sustain even moderate reading without splitting at the seams. So after acquiring the original set to read, I obtained two more to sell or pass onto my favorite grandchildren.”

“Isn't that a bit too forward thinking, too presumptuous. Isn't everyone else also going to preserve pristine 1st edition copies to sell later, driving down the price?”

“Did you do it?”

….

“Come down into the basement for a second, I want to show you something.”

“What's down there?”

“I wanted you to see the board game area I've finally constructed, with the display case to house them.”

“Wow, you're right, it does highlight each one.”

“You really like it?”

“Yeah, and here I am, just keeping my collection on plastic shelves in a dark corner.”

“It's difficult to decide what to play when you can't see them all in one glance.”

“Hm...”

“What?”

“Well, even if they were well lit, it can still be a chore, deciding what to set up.”

“Too good, or too bad?”

“How many do you think you've got down here?”

“Thirty-seven, not counting smaller card based games like Tichu or Citadels. I've got to help you root through your collection and see if there's any gems.”

“Yeah, we could set aside a couple hours.”

“What?”

“I'd ballpark the collection at two hundred. Didn't I ever tell you? My dad worked at Hasbro for a decade, and I've managed to hold onto them, but they're just sitting down there, alone in the dark. You didn't know?”

….

“Enough reminiscing Dad, it's time to go home. It was nice meeting you Mr. Erickson.”

“Jared, please.”

“Thanks again.”

“But did you hear what he said....”

“Dad, let it go. The world's wide enough that someone out there is always crazier about collecting than you.”

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